Negotiating With Fear

Here is my no effort, guaranteed to be believable, method for negotiating with fear. Your results may vary.

As it is the night before this post is due, and I did promise I would post every week, I am going to make this quick.

You may be angry about something.

You may decide, as a result of that anger, to do something about it.

When you were angry, you were at level 10.

By the time you plan out the something about it, you’re probably at a level 8.

Unfortunately, unless you are immensely driven by your anger and wrath that you are a highly productive person that can enact the something about it plan almost immediately, then you will have to come back to it later. It’ll keep, right? You’re still angry.

By the time you get back to it, you’re at level 6. It doesn’t seem so important any more.

Maybe it’s a little scary, a bit self destructive. Perhaps we dial it back a bit, huh? Maybe down to a level 4 kind of thing to do.

So you do that.

dial it back.

The very next day, that thing is back. After all, it’s still important, right? You were angry, right? something needs to be done.

But you aren’t that angry now, and besides, the need has cooled off, it’s not so important… maybe let’s dial it down to a level 2 problem to deal with.

yeah, that sounds good. I can do that, right? tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes around, you’re at level 2, pretty chill, that thing that needs to be done is there, and maybe you could do it…

Nope. It’s really not important now.

See what happened there? Your anger levels and motivation die off, you let it lie for a bit, it seems not so important (that’s the fear talking), and you dial it back.

Again and again, and again, till you don’t want to do it anymore.

And so nothing changes.

Here’s an alternate approach.

You’re at level 10. Furious.

Your plan is a level 8 kind of plan. Big. Bold. Audacious.

Maybe a bit too big to start now.

So instead of leaving it, or starting to negotiate it down, quick - chop it up into 4x level 2 problems.

You still have gas in the tank, right? Now these problems are easy to deal with.

Nice and quick, lickity split.

and you’re done.

World changed.

Problem solved.

At the very least, you got something out of the way when you were angry enough to put some fire into it, and because you chopped it up into pieces straight away and got them done, they compounded. You made something happen.

Instead of negotiating it away to nothing over days or weeks.

I really must remember to take this approach the next time the fury strikes. Because far too often, I let the fear whittle away at the problem until it’s not a problem any more, and the solution never gets taken care of.

Even when the problem comes back.